Shut Up, The Machine!!

Did everyone wake up lazy and illiterate one morning?  Srsly, it’s like the robots are taking over.  I haaaate when things that aren’t supposed to talk to me talk to me.  Talking toys?  Creepy.  Talking idiots?  Annoying.  Talking dogs?  Um, have you SEEN Beverly Hills Chihuahua?  (I haven’t, I’m making judgments based on the previews.  Because come ON.)  S0 what is the DEAL with these machines that suddenly won’t shut up??

They’re sneaky, is what they are.  I’ll be happily using a machine, be it the ATM, the gas pump, the little machine that spits out your tickets at the movies, etc., and suddenly I’m being engaged in conversation by some disembodied voice that is commenting on what I’m doing right then.  And they’re not quiet about it.  Noooo sir.  Me: Swipes debit card to get my movie ticket.  The Machine: HEYYYYYY THERE PERSON GOING TO SEE Justin Bieber: Never Say Never*!  DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP ON PLENTY OF HOTDOGS AND SUGARY, SUGARY SODA BEFORE WANDERING IN TO THE THEATER!  ALSO, BASED ON THIS SELECTION YOU MIGHT ALSO ENJOY GNOMEO AND JULIET – PRESS 1 TO BUY TICKETS AND MAKE IT A DOUBLE FEATURE!

Machine, I will beat you down.  I hate being yelled at by people.  At least I can tell people to tone it down.  But when a machine yells at me, all I can do is stand there and look around while people stare.  All I can do is be like “Uhhh yeah…this machine’s talking to me.  Anyone else seeing Justin Bieber Movie*?  No, just me?  Cool…”  It’s ridiculous.

Whatever happened to just employing normal (or at least functioning) human people to do things like give me my movie tickets and complete transactions at the checkout line?**  At least when they were super peppy, made odd suggestions, and yelled at me I could glare at them and make snide comments back.  “Gnomeo and Juliet, you say?  I promised my seven grandchildren and their elderly mother that I  would take them to see that next weekend.  So it’s just The Beebs* for me, thanks.”  When I talk to the machines, people look at me funny.  Dislike.

* You people know that the only way I’m going to be present at that movie is if they play it at my own funeral, right?  Kgood.
** This is a hypothetical question.  Please do not tell me what actually happened to any of those things.  If you want to complain about something, go get your own blog. 😛 I love you.


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