We Are Raptors

Yeah, so my dogs and I are going to start a wolfpack.  I have a pug (Rygel) and my grandmother’s old lab (Angel, yeah I didn’t name her).  We’re not the most likely of wolfpack-ninjas.  But wolfpack-ninjas we are, my friends.

Tonight, there was a giant waterbug.  GIANT.  Like 2 feet long, with antennae and pinchers.  I saw it eat a baby.  It was huge.  And it was smugly hanging around near the top of one of the walls in the living room, as if to mock the three of us and our inability to climb walls or fly.  I hate most things creepy and/or crawly, so I immediately leapt off the couch to go wake D (yeah poor guy) and ask where the flyswatter was.  D’s been working super long hours lately, so not only did he take forever to wake up, he just kind of laid there whispering “Flyswatter!  Flyswatter!  Flyswatter!” over and over like it was a hilarious word.  Ok…funny, but not helpful.

So I left him to sleep and sought other options.  Then it hit me: shoes!  Not shoes, so much as flip-flop.  D’s flip-flop (he deserves it for not getting out of bed) to be precise.  Angel was going bananas watching the Eevil bug.  She’s a bug connoiseur to be sure, and I’m sure she was beside herself with the anticipation of tasting the crunchy, delicious Massive Four-Headed Roach.  Alas, the bug was still out of my reach.

This might stop one person and two dogs.  It does not, however, stop a wolfpack.  Instead, I chunked the flip-flop at the roach, scoring a direct hit (!!!) and knocking that mofo off the wall.  Angel and Rygel both nipped at it as it tumbled, but it managed to regain its composure and settled a little lower on the wall.  Then Angel, who may be old and slightly decrepit but is a crackerjack bug nabber, knocked the giant roach off the wall and both dogs began chasing it around the living room.  Angel managed to pin it and gave it a pretty good nip, and then I finished it off with a solid THWACK of the flip-flop.  FREAKING AWESOME.

That’s right, we’re pack hunters.  Like velociraptors.  Or a wolfpack.  And my wolfpack has three.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Rhonda
    Oct 29, 2010 @ 18:27:28

    In many ways my life really sucks right now Meredith. Your little musings on life are a great diversion from all the crap I deal with on a day-to-day basis. So, thanks for sharing your unique perspective, giving those of us who appreciate your clever wit (and envy you for it) something to look forward to. Keep making me laugh woman, I need it!

    Reply

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