Ravioli Caper = UNACCEPTABLE!

I consider myself a little bit of a humanitarian.  I generally brake for pedestrians, occasionally hand my spare change to bums who haven’t yelled at me before and while I have on occasion been known to steal a person’s shoe(s) off of their feet and then attempt to throw said shoe(s) up on to a second floor balcony, I usually do not.  I’m all for completing superhuman feats to raise money to fight terrible diseases, I believe that we are all born as equals and should treat each other as equals, and I am extremely sad that there are people who probably live in my neighborhood who can’t afford to meet the basic needs of their families.

Having said that, you can’t steal my flipping lunch and expect me to be ok with that.

Let me take you back, long, long ago, to a time called “Wednesday.”  I arrived at work early, lovingly placed my frozen ravioli meal in the freezer in the front break room, and continued with my day, confident with the knowledge that I would have a hot, cheesy lunch a few hours later.  I won’t even milk the fact that I spend my days at work actively working to protect vulnerable children and adults.  Nope, won’t milk that one at all.  Anyway-

Lunch time rolled around and I clocked out, put my plastic fork in my pocket, and made my way to the break room, anticipating what was sure to be a delicious (and low-calorie!) lunch.  Except when I opened the freezer, my ravioli wasn’t where I’d left it.  Confused, I moved some things around.  Nope, definitely not there.  So I checked the other freezer, in case I’d accidentally smoked some crack and forgotten that I’d a) smoked crack, and b) put my lunch in the other freezer.  Nope, no ravioli.  As I stood there in the break room, lost and confused, a wave of realization washed over me: some mothereffer had stolen my freaking lunch.

Seriously, Lunch Thief?  This is how you behave?  Stealing people’s food that they are obviously expecting to eat from the freezer, without so much as a courtesy note?  A hastily-scribbled “Thanks for the ravioli!” Post-It left on the freezer would have been sufficient.  At least then instead of thinking of Lunch Thief as a weasel who is too lazy to get their own lunch I would think of Lunch Thief as a kind of ballsy and smart-ass lunch room Robin Hood.  I could respect a lunch room Robin Hood.  Weaselly Lunch Thief, though?  Can suck it.

Part of me hopes that Lunch Thief gets the help they need – be it financial help or help for the crazybrain.  The other part of me hopes that Lunch Thief burned their thumbs on the plastic ravioli container and that it didn’t taste all that delicious after all.

As for me, since I’d already clocked out my options were limited, but Jenn and I managed to book it to Wendy’s and I got one of those Baja Wrap thingers that are actually pretty good by fast food standards.  Also props to Jenn who talked me down from posting a Passive Aggressive Note on the refrigerator door that probably would have gotten me fired.  But Lunch Thief, you’re on notice!  I’m happy to assist if you need help buying your own food, but be careful what you steal out of the break room refrigerators, I’ve been known to confuse soap for peanut butter and make some extra funky sandwiches.  Hell hath no fury like a woman without lunch!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Alice
    Nov 05, 2009 @ 22:12:52

    what the hell? no that thief didn’t!!


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