How I Almost Got In A Fight

Before you read this, I’d like to formally apologize to my mother who is a wonderful parent and an awesome lady and raised me much better than to get in a fight with a total idiot stranger in public. I swear that this almost never happens and I won’t do it again. For a while. :o) Ok moving on…

Last night was trivia – YAY! And a bunch of people who I haven’t seen in a while were there, double YAY! Annnnd some jackass decided to start screaming the second Duffy started talking on the mic. Not so much yay. There was a basketball game on that this d-bag wanted to watch and apparently he couldn’t figure out what was going on on the screen without the play-by-play so when they turned the sound off for trivia he started screaming like a two-year-old who didn’t get his way. No words, nothing specific, just a loud, sustained, Tarzan-like yell. Really, guy? What I don’t get, and I never got the answer because he wouldn’t actually talk reasonably to anybody, was why he needed the sound on to watch basketball. I mean, you get that if you’re actually AT the game there’s no commentators or anyone telling you exactly what is going on, right? They invented that job for the old washed up players and coaches who nobody actually in the sport wanted to work with, but d-bags like you still relate to because they’ve spent their entire careers being not good enough and not liked by their peers, and you both live by the delusion that if the coach/owner/boss would have given you one more chance then you would have been awesome. (With the exception of Lou Holtz, who is extremely awesome but is currently paying his debt to society for coaching the Eevil Notre Dame.) I don’t even really know that much about basketball but I am perfectly capable of watching a game with the sound off because…well, there’s zero things that I actually need to hear.

So anyway, this d-bag is screaming his head off and at first nobody can tell if he’s just drunk or if he’s “serious”, and somehow we almost ended up (ok when I say “we” I’m really just talking about me and Ben) in a fight! Except I don’t really know if it can be considered a fight if the best the other guys can do besides a Tarzan yell is to say “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” repeatedly to the trivia host and to yell “WHATEVER!” and ask if I’m retarded. I mean, I suppose it’s a valid question, I was pretty much ready to cut a bitch with a butter knife right there in the middle of the bar. I have been looking for a fight for a while now, apparently. Oh, and did I mention that Fireman’s #4 was on special last night and apparently I was reaaalllly thirsty and achieved Pluckers-like levels of drunkenness? Anyway, it was all about to get REALLY awesome and then…yeah, they just kind of left. As the guy’s idiot friend left he smiled really big at Ben which Ben quite rightly pointed out he wouldn’t have done if there hadn’t been a massive oak table between the two of them and the friend commented to Duffy that he has some “real nice” trivia fans, like maybe he’d just achieved the burn of the century.

So that was trivia, or the start of it anyway. GTYO took the damn trophy back which is halfway fine with me because really we didn’t want it again and I swear if she takes any of the screws out of the gnome’s face I’m gonna paint its face like a pirate. Beeyotch. And we’re pretty sure they cheated but they did win best team name for the 2nd time in a row even though their name was pretty lame both weeks. So we’re gonna have to have a super strong showing next week because this week was kind of a bummer, what with the screaming Tarzan idiot and GTYO. Apparently I’ll be spending the next week brushing up on my grab-bag trivia (so…reading the encyclopedia, I guess?) because that was the only round that we didn’t get a near-perfect score in, like always. If anybody wants to throw random trivia facts my way I’m all for it!

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