New Drinking Game…

So here’s the new game I’m going to play at work. I figure it’s because of the economy (“The Economy” is what people blame the batshit crazies for now instead of “El Nino”) but work’s been exceptionally slow and full of crazy people lately, and I’m thinking that steadily sipping Malibu & Dr. Pepper during the day will greatly improve my outlook and probably productivity. Keep in mind that these are actual examples of things that have happened to me or a coworker on the job. So here you go:

1 DRINK:
– Bride proudly flashes her obviously fake “diamond” while talking about how much it cost. (Jan would’ve said “She’s got herself a big ol’ CZ!” while I laughed hysterically.)
– Somebody calls to get directions and when I ask them where they are right now they get annoyed and say “I DON’T KNOW!” Well then how do you suggest I direct you? Crazy person.
– Someone comes to pick up merch that’s still in a box or is nowhere to be found.
– Someone calls to see if we have a certain dress in stock because she doesn’t want to drive her fat butt all the way to the store if we don’t have it.
– Someone swears up and down that they’re a size 4… “I’m a 4, I’m a 4, I’m a 4.” …and half an hour later she’s barely squeezing into a 10. No vanity sizing here, crazies! Also drink one for each size she had to skip through on her way to the one that actually fit AND chug if she’s got the guts to say “Y’alls’ sizes are wrong!” Yup, you’re right, it’s the dress’ fault.
– 1 drink for every instance of irresponsible parenting you see in the store. Keep these drinks small, there’s a lot of them.
– Someone that has never called the store or spoken to anyone there swears up and down that she has an appointment on a busy Saturday.
– Crazy person who ordered a dress in Houston acts surprised that we don’t have it when she comes to the Austin store to pick it up. “I told them I’m from Austin they should have known to send it here.” “Ma’am, that’s not how it works, I’m sorry.” Bonus drinks if she bitches about the cost of shipping it from Houston.
– Someone wants us to hold a dress for her until she gets paid…in a week and a half.
– Somebody utters the phrase “The alterations cost as much as the dress.” Keep in mind, I hear this all the time but it’s not always being said angrily. Luckily, most people understand that good alterations are expensive and they got a great deal on their dress in the first place.

5 DRINKS:
– Someone calls to see if we have five different dresses in stock because she doesn’t want to drive her fat butt all the way to the store if we don’t have it.
– Crazy person comes in to pick up the dress she ordered annnnnd it doesn’t zip. (Jan would’ve said “She ate her way out of the dress, is what happened!” Ah, how I miss Jan!)
– Someone wanders in the week of their wedding and needs a whole mess of alterations done to make her dress fit but then whines about how much it costs.
– Somebody asks if they can return their dress if it still has the tags and hasn’t been worn. Bonus 5 drinks if they tell you nobody told them about the all-sales-final policy (We make them sign their receipt where it states ALL SALES ARE FINAL and ALTERATIONS ARE AVAILABLE FOR AN ADDITIONAL COST). Extra bonus chug if it’s the lady that yelled at me “WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE A SIGN THAT SAYS THAT SOMEWHERE IN YOUR STORE!” (“Ma’am, we do have them, they are at every cash register.” – CHUGGGG!)
– Crazy person calls to make an appointment and says “I’m going to be in a hurry so can you pull these twelve dresses in a size 4 and have them in my fitting room when I get there?”
– An employee has to dye shoes ASAP because a) We screwed it up the first time, b) The bride/bridesmaid forgot or didn’t know that our shoes come in white and have to be dyed any other color, or c) Somebody waited ’til the last minute to pick out her shoes.
– Chick who’s getting married THIS WEEK comes in, finds a dress that fits her really well and is within her price range, and then says “I’ll think about it and come back later.” WHAAAAT?! I’m gonna sell that while you’re gone just to piss you off.
– Somebody leaves a baby carrier with a baby in it unattended in the middle of the store. Because I’m a baby-sitter, duh!

CHUG:
– Someone calls and wants me to tell them the style number of every dress we have in the store in Victorian Lilac in a size 14. Bonus points if she has the balls to tell you “I have a really busy day so I only want to come in there if it’s going to be worth it.”
– Someone says they’re going to call the BBB and complain about us. Um, a) get in line and b) get a new threat, do you honestly think we haven’t heard that before? How about you’re going to call my mom? Or, IDK, the governor?
– Kid pees in a fitting room.
– Bride selects the dress, and also decides to get the bra, petticoat, shoes, headpieces, etc. etc. etc. and then gets up to the register, watches us ring it all up, and then says “Oh well I can’t pay for it today.”

This list is subject to change

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