The Signal

I don’t know if this is listed somewhere in the Bro Code (I’m not a Bro…) but it SHOULD be. From now on, if you receive a blank text message from a friend, that is The Signal that they are trapped in an awkward situation (you and your ex ended up at the same party and your friend/date isn’t there yet), horrible conversation (Creepy Guy From Work corners you at the grocery store and won’t shut up about the TPS reports), bad date, job interview gone terribly wrong, whatever. The proper etiquette when receiving The Signal is to wait thirty seconds and then call the person with a “huge emergency”. The job of the caller is then to listen patiently on the line for further instructions. For example, the person receiving the call could say, concerned, “Oh no! What happened?” It is then the responsibility of the caller to fill in the necessary silence, just to make it all a little more believeable. You could talk about your day or you could offer possible escape routes to your trapped friend. Anyway, the person receiving the call is in control here. If just a minor distraction was necessary and the awkward encounter has been diffused (ie, Creepy Guy From Work wandered off or your ex left the party while you were on the phone) then you can thank your friend and hang up. If it’s something more serious, like a bad date that wouldn’t end, this is your chance to escape! Politely tell your date that you’ve had a great time and you’re sorry that you have to cut it short but (Fill in excuse here; be creative!) and you have to go rescue them. Hooray for friendship!

The modification to The Signal is The Time Bomb. The Time Bomb is usually texted from a secluded location: the bathroom, outside, wherever, and gives a specific time frame for the callback, ie: COUNT TO 200 AND CALL ME BACK! This is especially helpful if you’re in a situation where you can’t covertly send the blank text, and will give you time to get back to your table, bar stool, interview, whatever before The Call is placed.

Also I’ve been watching way too much HIMYM.

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